Pretty difficult to say the least!
I hope everybody reading this had a good 2019 and I wish you all a very Happy New Year.
There were high’s as well as low’s to 2019 for us, which is at least a good thing.
Our Social Enterprise, Spectrum of Misconception did really well selling autism awareness Christmas cards.
The very lovely Malini Croxson who is an artist from Hertford did the illustrations for us, they were warm and beautiful images which conveyed a powerful message regarding autism as well as being Christmas in an image. Mal was wonderful to work with and we were thrilled with the end result.
We had the cards by late September so were ready with plenty of time to start selling, we had some of the cards which Laura Dixon did for us last year left so sold them too.
The cards flew and once again we are very grateful to everybody who ordered and sent a message with their card regarding autism.
Zach did brilliantly, he is involved with putting the orders together, making up the boxes, packaging the cards, and then taking them to the post office.
Around the second week in December ‘Mind the Gap’ the shop and café at Hertford North Station started selling the cards for us. Zach’s support team often drop in there on their way to and from work so have good banter with the guys there. We were really grateful for this extra exposure and hope we can get them in there earlier next year.
We have sold 2500 cards this year which is brilliant in just our second year. Zach once again stepped up to the challenge and with the expert support from his team did everything that was asked of him.
An absolutely massive thank you to all who have supported us and continue to do so, you are the kindest and the best.
Zach really enjoyed taking around cards and a small gift to those places he visits regularly. One for his hairdresser, Bobbie at Cut Loose, the security guard at Tesco’s Hertford, the guys at Mind the Gap, and for staff at trampolining and golf that he goes to very regularly.
He then chose me a beautiful bunch of flowers from Tesco and came home with a beaming smile on his face as he thrust them into my hand. There was also a Christmas card (Spectrum of Misconception of course) signed by him, it was lovely.
So that was all great and to be honest a very welcome distraction from other things.
My beautiful Mother passed away in September, she fell in August 2018, went into hospital with a broken wrist and never walked again (She had walked half a mile the day before the fall).
The care at the hospital was pitiful and I just had to get her out of there so she went to a local nursing home that my Father could get to every day. Unfortunately they didn’t walk her either and despite regular physio and me and other family members attempting to get her moving she spent the vast majority of her days sitting in a wheelchair which was only made for occasional use.
I didn’t miss many days visiting in the year she was at the home. I worried for her welfare. Boring days spent sitting in a wheelchair wasn’t what she was used to, Mum loved being around people who were chatty and cheerful. Some were, but plenty weren’t.
I went to the residents meetings to ask about trips out, activities and so on. There was a shiny brand new mini bus parked outside but I think she went out twice. I couldn’t get her into the car anymore because she was panicking when mobilising being so used to the wheelchair
Dad visited almost every day, they would sometimes sit and hold hands and nod off to sleep just as they had at home.
While Mum was well and the weather was fine we would walk down the lane and chat about the birds and flowers. On a Friday I was her only visitor and we would do something like play a game, do a jigsaw or I would give her a manicure or other beauty treatment. Sometimes we would listen and sing to music, sometimes dance with me holding her hands and moving the wheelchair in time to the music.
I will always treasure all the time I had with my Mum, she was 95 and I feel so lucky to have had so much time with her in my life. Mum was always so appreciative and enjoyed and got joy from such simple things, her face would light up when she saw me arrive.
Mum stopped eating, she had been suffering terribly with gingivitis (bleeding and inflamed gums caused by bacteria in the mouth, caused by not having teeth cleaned!) I was doing thorough mouth care every time I went in, a very good friend who is a Dentist had visited and told staff what they needed to do but it didn’t improve.
She was losing lots of weight and the GP told me that Mum was dying, which I sadly knew but it was still hard to hear. The GP told me this with Mum in the same room, I winched in pain for Mum being present to hear this. Hearing is the very last thing to go when somebody is very unwell and it was both unprofessional and clumsy of the GP to do this.
The next two days were the brightest Mum had been in weeks and I like to think it was a middle finger from her to the GP. We talked and laughed and enjoyed the Summer weather.
From there things went downhill though and I was spending most of every day by Mum’s side doing what I could to make sure she was comfortable.
It was a terrible struggle for me, as a nurse who has spoken up for so many patients over the years, making sure they had the care they deserved and were pain free to be having to do it for my own Mother.
My heart is incredibly heavy in the knowledge that the expertise of care that was needed was not given. Care Homes must not be afraid to use end of life medication to ensure comfort and peace for those in their care and their families. They must also ensure that carers are aware of the need for extra care to be given to palliative patients.
Mum passed away on the 26th of September, just over two weeks after her 95th Birthday. In the final week of her life I know, that Mum knew I was with her, she would still put an arm around my neck when I kissed her and also smile at me right up until the morning of the day she died.
I am finding that I am struggling more now than I did when she first died, the longer I go without being able to put my arms around her, the first Christmas, and now a year in which she has not lived but I am sure time will heal and I will find ways to keep busy and keep smiling as Mum would.
They haven’t always been elderly, they have lived and worked, raised a family, travelled and some including my Mum been in a World War. They are people, someone’s Mother, Father, daughter or son.
The other big change is that after 11 years of volunteering with the charity Mudlarks I have for a number of reasons finished. I have enjoyed almost all my time doing things with and for the charity and the way it has grown over the time it has been running is amazing. I miss the team I worked with at the café and being part of that but will move onto pastures new, I am not sure which pastures yet but I am sure I will find something! I wish Mudlarks ongoing success, the café which I loved so much is moving to a new building shortly and will only improve I am sure.
So all that is left is for me to apologise for my sombre post, I hope I haven’t dampened your spirits too much. I know that my spirits will lift once I have my new goals and interests worked out.
In memory of my wonderful and incredible Mother, Peggy Margaret Bruton 1924-2019, never to be forgotten.
One thought on “That was the year that was….”
Hi Emma and John, I wish you a happy new year, knowing it will be with some sadness. All the more important to note and enjoy the times that make us happy, like your wonderful flowers and card from Zach. Someone once told me that grieving is like a mental heath illness, which I find so helpful in understanding how weird the grieving ‘process’ is. I hope you have more sunnier days than dark ones in 2020.
Lots of love Rachel & co xxx